she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
