Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
