Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
are you so shy because you have an std?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Randomize
