True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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