Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I touched a dick in church today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
