Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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