you would pick up someone in the library
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
