to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
