kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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