no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
