i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize