Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
