is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
