Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
