I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
