apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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