Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize