At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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