super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
