GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
