I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
