ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
