DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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