My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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