You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
