It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
