i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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