I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
