Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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