For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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