Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
