I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
