Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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