I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
