I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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