I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
