Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
