This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Holy shit dude........stairs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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