you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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