Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
