How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize