i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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