Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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