have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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