dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
