i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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