Your face is a jimmy john
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
