i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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