Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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