There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
