tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
