It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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