what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
