So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
