Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
