Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
