She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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