Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
