he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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