I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
