Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
