i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
