i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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