A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize