The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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