I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
