I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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