just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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