I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How naked do you want me to be?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
