I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
