Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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