At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
