He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
