rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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