I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He passed out mid-signature
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
