Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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