I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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