I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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