Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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