I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
