I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
