this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
