He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
