mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
