If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
