very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
