I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
