I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
