you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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