and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
