Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
