im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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