There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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