I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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