GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
