Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
