when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need a beard to bite.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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