Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize