I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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