Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize